Ask Miki: New nose or breast implants for grad gift?
Dear Miki: My daughter is a senior in high school and just announced to her father and me what she wants for graduation - larger breasts! We are stunned. Our beautiful, popular daughter with a 3.7 GPA wants to fill out a sweater! It’s not that I condemn plastic surgery. Quite the contrary, I had a large nose when I was growing up, and I still remember how I felt when the kids called me “Honker." At 16, my parents paid for rhinoplasty. It changed my life in so many wonderful ways that boosted my self-esteem. I will always thank my parents for helping me feel beautiful inside and out. Unfortunately, my daughter inherited my nose. My husband and I are willing to pay for rhinoplasty, but we weren’t prepared for her to want breast augmentation instead. For the life of me, I can’t understand why “Lisa” says her nose is just fine as it is. This sudden focus on breasts makes me think it all has to do with the boy she’s dating. He’s well mannered but never misses an opportunity to look in our hall mirror. “Lisa” has a nicely proportioned figure, and clothes look fabulous on her. However, all her girlfriends are better endowed, and she says she’s self-conscious about it. My husband and I want our daughter to have all the advantages in life. How can we get her to see that having a rhinoplasty would serve her better? Nose Best * * * Dear N. B.: Well you could make her look in the hall mirror and point out how huge her nose looks to you and tell her she can’t accomplish anything in life unless she sings like Barbara Streisand. I trust you won’t – your daughter likes her nose. Teens want to fit in with peers and identify with our culturally determined stereotypes blasted in multi media. It’s become a trend for girls to request breast augmentations for a high school graduation gift. Although the FDA approved saline-filled breast implants only for women 18 and older, there are no legal restrictions on the procedure. The FDA also concluded that approximately 40% of augmentation patients have at least one serious complication within three years after getting saline implants. Here’s more scary stuff for you and your husband. Breast augmentation presents a high complications rate often requiring surgery within five to 10 years. Your precious daughter would probably need more surgery while in her 20s, 30s or possibly every decade after that. Are you willing to foot the ongoing bill? How about help her sweat out mammogram results when implants might obscure a breast tumor? When she becomes a mother, how would you feel if she couldn’t produce enough milk to breastfeed? Did you know that breast implant surgery sometimes causes infections leading to toxic shock syndrome, amputation or death? According to a National Institutes of Health study, the part of the brain that restrains risky behavior and thinking skills is not fully developed until the age of 25. Don’t act like a boob, Mom, say no to breast augmentation and don’t project your sculptured nose where it doesn’t belong! Miki Garcia can be reached at askmikigarcia@yahoo.com.
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Dear Readers:
What would you say to your 18 or older daughter if she asked you for breast implant surgery?
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Really. Like they should maker the daughter feel bad about her nose because her mother hated her own nose??
But, she will be happier in the long run if her breasts aren't so big -- clothes fit better for sure.
M. D.
Response to M. D.:
Response to M. D.:
True, but fitting in with peers is more important to teens.
If 18-year old gets a job and makes the money to pay for implants, she'll find a plastic surgeon more than willing to enhance her chest and his bank account.
Thanks for your comment, M. D.!
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Dear Miki,
You have a great wit! Love your column! SM
Response to SM:
Wit is in the eye of the reader, and I'm always happy to know it's appreciated.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
I would point out to her, in addition to all the health problems that can develop, she should consider the fact that any man who would walk away from her because of the size of her breasts has a size problem of his own: in the brain department. A girl with a GPA of 3.7 should realize her value rests on her character and values. Perhaps her parents can suggest a shopping trip for clothes to some high-end department stores, topped off with an expensive haircut and makeover. She will get a mental lift with no permanent changes. Give the boyfriend a mirror to admire himself in.
R. H.
I like the way you think.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Gasp. Well, I can imagine it would make her more popular. It says more about our society than her. Playboy has done much to make big boobs popular. Many girls want them because it increases lots of fashions they can wear. Many clothes don't look good without a figure. I imagine if there was some surgery that would make guys as popular as boobs on girls, we would do it too. The big hassle, if all girls did it, the whole situation would be ridiculous very quickly. I personally am much less impressed with big boobs, the first thing that comes to my mind is "surgically enhanced", and that loses much of the attraction. I think your advice to her was very good.
S. C.
Response to R. C.:
Response to S. C.:
Teen's mom says her daughter looks beautiful in clothes and has a proportioned figure. If so, daughter can wear more styles than other young women who get surgically enhanced.
It's probably true what you said about breast implants making the teen more popular, but I doubt it's the type of popularity that any parent wants for their child
I always appreciate your participation in the column.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
I wouldn't over react, and I would seek counseling.
Sheila C.
Response to Sheila C.:
Good answer.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Tell her you will provide one and she will have to find a way to pay for the other...or you will get her a nice used car for college.
J. R.
Response to J. R.:
Very clever! However teen might take Mom and Dad up on it. Better parents get her a nice used car -- although my bet is she already has one.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
I have never understood the fascination with fake large breasts. I have always believed that the size of a woman's breast should be in proportion to her body. When the breasts are out of shape or size it is no different than any other part of a woman's body that is out of shape. That being said, I realize that there are some women who were not blessed with the right size breasts and in this world it can cause her to feel inadequate. I had a friend who had an increase in breast size but it was done tastefully and she was 28. Ironically her father did pay for them although the girl could have afforded it herself.
I think all women (and men for that matter) should accept what God has given them and remodel only if it is necessary.
J. G.
Response to J. G.:
How very interesting that your friend's father paid for her implants, even though she was 28 and could afford the procedure. There must be more to the story?
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Wow! Thanks for that awesome response to "Nose Best". I loved the stats, the recognition of Mom's projecting, and the advice not to be a boob! Brava! I wish every woman and girl (and guy) could hear your words. Fantastic. I'm so happy to have you in my world.
R. G.
Response to R. G.:
Wow -- back atcha!!! I'm so glad you take the time to read the column and that you have the best of taste, my dear!!!!
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Miki,
You’re getting good responses to this “Boob” issue. I really like your take on the 18 yr old girl’s request. I’d say “No, No, No” out of the question….what’s wrong with parents who would even consider such a thing! Surgery is surgery and always carries risk. The whole family needs counseling!
I just couldn’t let this one pass without comment. It really makes me crazy that parents, much less surgeons, would even discuss this surgery for an 18 yr old. Vanity, is DD…?
M. W.
Response to M. W.:
Unfortunately some parents will do anything to please their kids.
Unless a teen has asymmetrical breasts (one breast grows much larger in size than the other), and it is problematic for her, I see no reason for a parent to consider surgery.
Thanks M. W. for your take on this.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Why not let all teens do something as shallow as plastic surgery for bigger breasts?
Guys will continue to objectify women because they want to. This is one screwed up world!!!
D. D.
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
I hear that is number on the Christmas list as well. Well, at least the girl brought it up and didn't just go out and do it then surprise the parents.
C. B.
Response to C. B.:
Jolly St. Nick must be quite surprised these days.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
To "Nose Best":
It seems you have already decided to give your daughter plastic surgery. If so, you need to be clear in your mind that it is for her, and not for yourself. She may be fine with her nose, but obviously isn't fine about her breast size. Who are you to tell her that her nose needs to be improved, and she should be happy with the bra size God gave her. The only reason you should be giving your daughter plastic surgery is to help her build her own self-image, not burnish yours. Examine your motives. Are you afraid her real nose will 'out' the fact your nose had some 'work'? Not that I'm all for giving 18 year old's breast implants, but the only reason one should have plastic surgery is if it makes her happier with how she looks, not if it makes someone else happier. Its her body, she has to live in it!
L, F.
Response to L. F.:
Never thought about Mom fearing her nose would be "outed" if daughter doesn't get a rhinoplasty. Good one!
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Miki, I am really blessed to have children with self-confidence (especially my 20 year old daughter!) While raising her, I always read articles that cautioned parents on the lack of self-confidence in girls. Don't know what we did right or wrong as parents, I just know that by the Grace of God, something worked.
Sheila C.
Response to Sheila C.:
Congratulations, Sheila! You and your husband loved your children and taught them to love themselves in a healthy manner. That's a tough job in today's insanity.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
I happen to agree with you about 18-year olds not being emotionally mature enough. Try telling that to one, though.
L. F.
Response to L. F.:
I know what you mean, but parents of an 18-yr old girl have the power not to fund breast augmentation nor any other "wants" that are inconsistent with their values and her well-being. The daughter has the option to move out and pay for her independence and consequences.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
I know, Miki, you are 100 percent right..always wondered how so many of the Playmates could have already gotten augmentation by the time they posed in their late teens early twenties? I just didn't want to be judgemental, not having gotten breast implants myself. I was a wee bit jealous at that age... just the 'grass is greener on the other side' syndrome...I wanted to be a blonde, too:)
However, there are girls who are completely flat-chested who suffer a tremendous amount of ribbing...who am I to say they shouldn't get augmentation at 18 if they want it?
L. F.
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
I'd say suck it up and worry about an education. When you are a full grown woman and you have developed a sense of who you are and a personality to match, then we will talk if you're still unhappy.
L. A.
Response to L. A.:
Once daughter is a "full grown woman" and has "developed a sense" of who she is "and a personality to match," why would she seek Mom's approval?
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
The kids for the last several years seem to be driving the cart and the parents are along for the ride…and paying the bills.
I really liked your response to these boobs in your column; informed, objective and to the point. Also, forgot to tell you that I thought Michael’s drawing was great; hope the parents see it the way I did.
M. W.
Response to M. W.:
Hey, thanks for the compliment sent out to Michael. He's a father and a grandfather and knows what boys think. He hoped to convey this in the cartoon so that parents would understand the message sent when girls get breast implants.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Why do young women think it is so important to do this. Do they want to end up with a guy who likes them for their "un-natural gifts"?
This time in history will go down as pretty sad....
D. D.
Response to D. D.:
Teenagers want the latest trend in everything. Unfortunately, immaturity blinds them from seeing the long stretch of road ahead.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment sent to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
I thought Michael’s cartoon was right on and he was courageous to print it. Says something to me about the girl and parents as much as young boys.
M. W.
Response to M. W.:
Bingo!!!!!
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment cont. from L. A. emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Exactly. But, if she's looking for approval for a boob job or money for it when she legally can't even drink a glass of wine, this mom says...give it a break.
L. A.
Response to L. A.:
I'll drink to that!
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Wow being a father of a 19 year young, that would be a little over the top. I would have to say no, especially due to the health issues of implants.
L. W.
Response to L. W.:
I think it would be a lot "over the top." You're a good dad. Thanks for the comment.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki